The Girl on the Plane

I got on a plane today. HUSBAND and I booked the window seat and the aisle seat and hoped no one would climb into the center seat – and they didn’t. That gave us the whole row to (relatively) stretch out and relax.

I had a hard time relaxing though. See…I realized it is an anniversary of sorts. Or as betrayeds often say, an antiversary. As I looked out the window and saw the city we were in get smaller and smaller…as we pierced through a thick layer of clouds…as we settled out above the clouds…my mind began to wander, and then to remember.

clouds from plane 2

Back when HUSBAND and I had been married just a little more than two years, another girl got on a plane. On this same day, all those years ago. She didn’t get on with HUSBAND, with my husband. But she got on to fly to HUSBAND, my husband. To meet him and spend a couple days and nights and in-betweens with him.

woman on plane

I don’t think about this all the time anymore. HUSBAND and I have done such good work and we have grown and healed for the most part. But there are things – things like getting on a plane on February 13 – that shake my heart’s healing and cause me to think about the girl who didn’t get on the plane years ago – the one back at home, missing HUSBAND and seeing him for things he wasn’t and realizing the other girl – the one that did get on the plane years ago – also was seeing him for things he wasn’t.

My thoughts chewed over the lies and deception. It chewed over the two realities that were lived side-by-side that I didn’t know about. It chewed over the emotional distance that characterized so much of our marriage because the protection of lies destroyed any chance of real intimacy. It chewed over lost years and lost moments. I grieved.

And then I put it away. I chose to hold the hand of the one who’d been the cause of so much pain, and yet, so much strength and so much pleasure. I looked at his worn face and his eyes that are full of life now. This man who was my husband then, when the other girl got on the plane. And the one who is my husband now, when I got on the plane.

hands

And together, HUSBAND and I, got off the plane.

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11 thoughts on “The Girl on the Plane

  1. Your post gives me hope. You were right about how protecting lies destroys any chance of real intimacy. You have managed to ( mostly) overcome this and live an authentic life with your husband. I wish you well. Kate. Xx

    Liked by 2 people

  2. It is incredible…that last picture is incredible.

    If someone observed us as a couple, they would still not be able to make out the distance between us. But I still feel not ready to touch him casually. I am aware of when our hands brush, or any other way. I am still not ready to touch. On the other hand, we have been intimate, but I am still not ready for physical touching otherwise. It is so strange.

    I am glad you have been able to get over that barrier.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh St. Elsewhere…I get it. Isn’t it odd how some things/touches/moments are incredibly intimate and difficult to move toward? Those are our hands. Really. And it was a beautiful moment. I hope this for you soon, too. Big hugs.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. 
If you know you not ready for a relationship why get into one and still cheat and liar. I was dying inside for my cheating husband, i had no prove, no one to run to. Everyone thought i was paranoid. until i was referred to a Private Investigator  Mr James . I told him about my situation and He understood me well and helped me spy on my husband.He hacked my husbands Gmail and Facebook account and linked all my spouse WhatsApp and phone conversation to me, to find out the truth.I saw all the evidence and i was heart Broken,I just want to openly say thank you to Mr James for helping me get evidence against him,i feel so hurt. If you need help please contact him Mr James (Worldcyberhackers@ gmail. com) via Email. 


    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Melissa. I’m really sorry for what you discovered. I needed to know truth too, and would have done whatever it took to find out. I don’t know Mr. James, nor do I recommend him, but I’m glad you found a path to let you know you weren’t crazy (we feel that way til truth comes out, don’t we?) Are you working on healing now? Thinking of you with hope – SS

      Like

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