Still More

A year ago, I wrote a post about how I began to understand the path to healing. Infidelity – serial cheating – rocked my world with four Ddays that started April 12, 2014 and finally ended two months later. Each revelation took me deeper and deeper into the abyss of pain and I had no tools, no belief, no comprehension that I could or would ever be able to become whole again.

But I have.

The funny thing is the whole I am now is MORE than I was before, when life was full of delusions that I could not see.

The path to my healing has been treacherous and raggedy and scary and I didn’t want to do it, didn’t want to go. My being screamed to run and hide and patch myself up with coverings and salve and platitudes and self-help books…to protect myself at all cost and be angry and build a fortress of protection.

Yet somehow, it didn’t work for me like that.

I ended up following the path forged by my Savior more than 2,000 years ago. The way was filled with stripping rather than covering. It required pouring out rather than patching up. It meant bleeding out rather than bandages. Nothing that made sense, and yet, it is in this dichotomy that I have found more…hope…more…freedom…more…love. I never would have chosen this way on my own. It was all because He went first, He did it first. All I had to do was follow.

CrazyLove

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16 thoughts on “Still More

    1. Hi Ruchi…it was the path directly into the pain. Taking it up, feeling it and owning it. Owning my role, and working through everything with honesty and transparency. Learning to find and use my voice and to feel…really feel. No hiding. No covering. No blaming. That was my path…

      Liked by 1 person

  1. Happy Easter friend. At some point in all this heartbreak and wreckage I remember thinking to myself I now have a greater understanding of what it cost Christ to love us. To do the exact opposite of what makes sense! It’s truly humbling!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Hallelujah and amen. Praising the God who gives and takes away. He gives His life and takes our sin. He gives a path of hope and resurrection and takes away desperation. Praising Him for the good work He has entrusted to you & your husband. I love you both dearly.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Oh wow. You described it perfectly. It’s amazing how only in our total brokenness, when we can’t even seem to breathe, that we find that path back through our Lord and Savior who lead the way for us. The path from brokenness to wholeness… it’s only through Him.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I am so glad to have found your site. I am looking forward to going deeper and reading previous posts. I love that the whole you are now is more than the whole you were before. I recently said something similar to a friend. That I am a completely different woman, but more me than I have ever been before. Thank you for sharing the path to your healing. Many blessings.

    Liked by 1 person

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