The Important Becomes the Necessary.

We go along and live life. Seems like nearly everyone I know never has enough time to….to….we each can fill in that blank with the things we never have enough time to…as we juggle all that we have to do.

juggling

Meanwhile, we spend our days doing the Necessary while wishing we could spend our days doing the Important. We do work and do carpool and do grocery shopping and do meals and do homework and do and do and do. We convince ourselves that tomorrow, TOMORROW, we will have a special conversation with our friend, or make the phone call to our family member, curl up – no agenda – with our child, read a book just to read a book, or set aside time to really work out touchy issues with our spouse rather than just gloss over them with unfinished sentences or frustrated actions.

Yet the darkness falls on the day and we finish up all those Necessary things and before we know it, another day has passed without demanding the space in our lives for the Important…but…tomorrow…

sleepless

Yet in One Moment, sometimes life changes that.

The One Moment when the phone rings and the voice on the other end is speaking words that you hear but don’t really understand yet you move into action as you grab your phone and your purse and your car keys and holler at those around you that your child has been in an accident and you’re leaving (work/home/church/friend/family member) right then and you’re not sure when you will be back, leaving WHATEVER Necessary behind undone for however long – hours. Days. Weeks.

The One Moment when the hospice nurse says the time is imminent for your beloved parent to die and suddenly there is nowhere and nothing else that can pry you away from the bedside even though the imminence turns into one day and a second day and a third day and a fourth day and Necessary somehow gets forgotten.

The One Moment when I found a letter from HUSBAND’s lover that revealed my life was not really my life and that there was a whole different life being lived alongside the life I thought I was living, right there, in my home, in my bed. The world stopped and suddenly I couldn’t even remember Necessary.

I stopped right then. Right there.

That One Moment, without me even seeing it or figuring it out or making plans, the Important became the Necessary. I have no idea how, but in that One Moment, taking care of me and my precious children and dealing with the shattered life and HUSBAND were all that mattered, and all that I saw or did. Those things that I would always get to tomorrow became the ONLY THING that I would get to today.

I had no idea prior to that One Moment that the next days and weeks and months of my life would be filled with counseling sessions and intensives and Marriage Weekends. I never imagined the days would include long sessions of holding children and sharing newfound truths and putting pieces together. I had no idea that the rest of my life would include support groups and daily readings and coaching sessions.

In One Moment, everything I knew about my life past and life future changed including how I measured Necessary and Important.

I would have told you no way. NO WAY did I have any interest, or even if I did, the TIME to make the Important the Necessary. Honestly, I wouldn’t even have been able to tell you some of the Important that WAS Important because I had so convinced myself that I could NOT pay attention to it so I buried it under the Necessary. But I did. I DID.

I like that the Important has become the Necessary, now. I like that the heart of those I love is more essential in my world than the dust bunnies in my living room. I like that the soul of my family is more prioritized than the meeting that I actually can skip since I realize there are other voices that can carry a message – sometimes better than I had perceived my message was to be. I like that HUSBAND and his spirit take precedence over being on another committee or heading up another project – even if it is a good political move for my business. And somehow, now that it has all switched around, the Necessary usually gets done anyway, although I could never see the way before. It’s a puzzle, but one I am okay not fully understanding.

For me, life determining the Important was really now the Necessary…it was shocking and painful and blindsiding…but perhaps it ultimately created a better path for the future I wanted.

Path

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20 thoughts on “The Important Becomes the Necessary.

    1. You are so incredibly RIGHT. Even though sometimes it feels dreadful…and can be dreadful…yet somehow it can turn beautiful. I’m so tender now where I was tough. I’m caring where I was judgmental. I’m broken where I (thought) I was whole. Such a dichotomy.

      Liked by 2 people

  1. Life is precious and you never know the surprises you will be given. Good or bad.
    Your reaction is what matters most and affects your future

    Great post. It really has meaning. Thank you

    Liked by 2 people

  2. The sad thing for me is that I had it figured out. I learned some lessons early in life, and I took them to heart. I gladly gave up a management career at a major health care Corp. to become a stay at home mother, eight years after we married. We deliberately chose to have some years together and put us as a couple first.

    When the kids arrived, husband still had a strong place in the spotlight. I ordered things to suit him, scheduled our lives around the business he owns, and cancelled plans when needed. I got up with him in the morning, ironed and laid his clothes out. Little gestures that I knew made him feel loved. In fairness, he was good at doing the same for me. Then along came the affair. Even he has said that I supported him to my own detriment. My understanding nature of his long work hours, was taken advantage of when he cheated. I could list many more. Today as we heal, I am beginning to make MYSELF more important. He misses me dancing attendance on his every move. I used to love my role, but now I find I must redefine it. There is no going back. He realizes way too late that he threw away so much good for a sleazy affair partner. I take a less passive, subservient role these days. Time to find ME. Again.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. I like the comment “there is no going back”. My life was similar to yours in a way. My husband always said he would never cheat on me, that he loved me and that with his job it would be impossible. Well that turned out wrong. There is no going back and every day I go back in my head trying to find me, who was I, what was it that I didn’t see ?
      I have too refined my role as his wife and find it a more serious role than before. I wonder always how others get thru this and these blogs help me search further into my marriage and my life and it has helped in my reconciliation of my marriage. I’m not the same person for sure that I was one year ago and neither are any of the spouses on these blogs.

      Like

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