About

savingshards
Mostly in the sunny southern US

Bio: Just a wife and mom, living life completely unaware that there was another life going on for over 25 years in which I was a prime character. I have worked hard to understand how it happened, discover where truth stops and lies begin, how to integrate the real life with the other real life and to move forward, whole...healthy...with hope... I want this to be a place where back-stories and tough times can be painfully but beautifully unpeeled, and people with courage can find the potential for changing their future. No mean people allowed...but honest people and real feelings are WELCOME.

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29 thoughts on “About”

  1. Pingback: About | savingshards

  2. Wow! I just sat here and read your entire blog. I can’t even imagine how you must be feeling. I picture myself in the same situation and I would have reacted very, very differently.

    I have some questions for you if you are open to having a discussion. I am always interested in perspectives that are different from my own and yours is very different:

    1. I feel through your writing that you have so much anger towards “the other woman.” I can understand that to some degree, but if you are unable to forgive her, I am desperately curious how you can even fathom forgiving your husband. I understand that there is history (a LOT of history) but he took vows to you that he broke – she didn’t. It sounds as though you are both religious, so this is a double whammy betrayal and I just can’t understand how you could contemplate continuing marriage with someone who only has one consistency throughout the relationship: lying. I am SO angry on your behalf and I don’t even know you!

    2. How could you ever trust your husband again? I’m not sure if he’s sorry or only sorry that he got caught. I know the “once a cheater, always a cheater” is a cliche, but I think once you’ve gone down a path once (let alone multiple times), it’s easier to repeat it. He’s also shown that he is quite capable of “getting away with it” for many years, which I’ve read can be another high for adulterers. They also often become possessive of their own spouse because they know how “easy” it is to cheat since they’re doing it.

    3. Do your kids know? How do they feel? If I were in the same boat, I would never forgive my dad, especially using me as an excuse to see his mistress.

    4. The letter that you wrote to the other woman – don’t you think those messages should have come from your husband? I think it would have been a lot more meaningful if they had because he’s the one she is so connected to. She might just see it as more of a challenge to “win” over you.

    I hope my questions aren’t offensive – I’m genuinely curious!!

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    1. Hi Scarletpen…thank you, thank you for your willingness to read through my JUNK. I am so glad you have asked these questions…so many of them are the same questions I asked myself and/or continue to wrestle with. As our story unfolds, I think you will find insight into many of the things that puzzle you, and how I came, or am coming, to terms and peace. Quickly, 1: I will address this over the next couple weeks, but in a nutshell, HUSBAND is repentant all day, every day, and giving me anything and everything I need to feel safe and rebuild trust. OW? Nothing. 2. Trust…trust…trust. Will it ever be like before? As my counselor says, we have blind-trust for our spouses until betrayal occurs, and that will never again be. But that doesn’t mean we cannot trust. I’ll write more on that soon. 3. Our kids…this is an amazing story in itself. Yes. They know. They know it all. and 4. Husband did end up writing her, which I will also provide as the story unfolds, after she tried to reach out to him again and again. His words were stronger than mine. I wrote those words within HOURS of finding her letter, and they were from my heart. His probably wasn’t there yet, although he knew he wanted to end it with her, he honestly was still coming out of the fog.
      I hope you come back and visit. Our story is so astounding, and so real, and so common, and I’d be honored if you shared our journey. HUGS.

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  4. Hello! I saw your comment and I thought I’d leave you one. Of course, I’d love it if you referred anyone to my site/blog. I have not printed out anything as it is a very unique process tailored to the individual. Thanks again for your support in doing this work 🙂

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  5. Just started reading your blog – didn’t get anything done until I read from start to finish! Our discovery days are close – initial for me was March 15, 2014 with full disclosure (ouch!) Feb 11, 2015. Still feeling in disbelief and too raw to write my own blog. Kudos to you for being able to get it out there. And most of all for your strength in persevering. One day at a time.

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    1. Oh precious girl. A trickle truth of 11 months…I’m so incredibly sorry. That just downright SUCKS. How are you doing? This community is so amazing in their ability to give authentic support. It took me 19 months, but now I am so grateful. You are strong, too. And brave. HUGS.

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  6. I’ve just read most of your blog. I can relate to so many of your experiences, and the pain of it comes right back. I admire you for cleansing and healing in the public way that you’ve chosen. You write clearly and in a concise manner in which the drama of what you had to go through comes through so directly. I do wish you well on your own journey, and thank you for sharing it in such a helpful way for others. – Marty

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    1. Thank you, Marty. It has been an incredible experience to cleanse through the process…but even more so…to find the fra-sority of betrayeds that are the most amazing, strong, brave and supportive group of people EVER. I am thankful for THEM. And you? HUGS.

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      1. Yes, and me. I thankfully got through it okay, (re-) discovered someone important and loving, and am now in the best place I’ve ever been in my life. I work though most of that period now through humor, but I am also grateful for blogs like yours that remind me both of the suffering others have experienced and the hope that always lies around the corner for each of us. Keep writing, keep healing!

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  7. I have read your entire blog! Thank you for sharing your story it is so helpful. You have such a way with words. I am just 6 months out from DDay and it helps so much reading other people’s thoughts and experiences. Wish I wasn’t part of this club but so thankful for people like you!

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  8. Hi I just popped by as I have signed up to do the AtoZChallenge in April and am getting a head start on checking out other blogs. Wow I really don’t know where to begin. I feel your pain coming through your words, and yet I want to say things, but feel that i don’t really know you, so anything I have to say, would be judging, and Scripture tells us not to judge, and so I will hold back from futher comments, but just Bless You and Your Marriage. Joy

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    1. Thank you for your kind words, Joy. Hope you will come back!! The A-Z challenge should be – a challenge – for me, and I’m looking forward to discovering other bloggers, like you! Have a wonderful day!

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    1. Yes. I worked on me…and he worked on him…and together we worked on us. It has been an incredibly, overwhelmingly painful process that has led us both to the place of incredible freedom, and love, and passion. Truly amazing…i hope you read on!

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  12. Hi SS. I just read one of your comments on another blog and I connected with it and it has brought me here. I cannot wait to read your story from beginning to now. I definitely will be reaching out to you going forward. Wish I had found you sooner. 7 months and counting and in much better place…but my wounds are not fully healed and am wondering if they ever completely will. Thank you for sharing your journey. I am so grateful to have found WP. It is a safe and comforting outlet for us. Walk good.

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    1. Welcome here, SC85. I’m sorry you had to find this community, but since you did, I’m glad you found us. What an amazing group of consistent support, yet they gently challenged each other to continue moving forward. 7 months…still so very raw… Please be kind to yourself, and reach out any time. HUGS.

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