in A-Z challenge, Affairs, Marriage, Uncategorized 681 Words

Kungle. Knurry. Knavigation. Kalopsia. Kindred.

Searching for just the right K word for the A-Z challenge, I came across a few little known gems that just ached to be shared.

Kungle– an old word from the far north of Scotland…it describes a large stone worn down and made round by the sea.

What a cool word…a kungle…I found a kungle…look there is a kungle…can we find some kungles…do I have kungles in my life….

SeaStone

The picture of a strong large stone that gets enveloped by the sea, knocked around the ocean floor, sometimes thrown up onto the shore and sucked back in to the sea, rubbed against other rocks and plants and sea creatures and sand and seaweed and eventually is made smooth and round. And lovely. And useful.

A little like life, don’t you think?

Knurry-this is something full of knots and tangles.

It is knurry…oh dear, daughter’s hair is knurry and will hurt to comb out…the plans are quite knurrish…darn the fishing line is knurry…the path to my healing? Knurry.

Again…such a great descriptive word for life. Full of knots and tangles. They can, and should, be gently combed out but some really pull and hurt and may even take out a hair or two, but in the end we have smooth and sleek. A word for paths, and hair, and rope. And life.

Knottedhair

Knavigation-this is a dishonest story or statement. Literally, it’s the kind of story a knavish person would tell. Oh…and a knavish person? That would be one that is untrustworthy, dishonest…waggish…roguish…mischievous.

What a knavigation…another knavigation from that waggish woman…our neighbor tends to tell quite the knavigations…

What an utterly perfect word for the world of infidelity. For affair partners. For sex addicts. Ultimately, we, the strong and brave and betrayed, have to learn to navigate the knavigation of all the rogue and mischievous parties involved. Is it possible?

trustmeimlying

Then there is this word: Kalopsia – which is the delusion that things are more beautiful than they really are.

Another word that seems to be made for the lives of cheaters. I’ve learned over the last two years that betrayers make all things beautiful that are really tarnished and filthy and ugly. Things like porn. Or chat rooms. Or one of the gazillions of apps that cheaters use to hide their illicit conversations and photos and videos. Or the “relationship” itself…you know the one…that amazing-where have you been all my life-we are soulmates-and will have our-happily-ever-after relationship that exists behind closed doors watching movies in hotel rooms or closed in apartments eating food from take-out because we can’t risk being seen unless you’re out of town and that you have to hide the presents under or in your desk at work so even your coworkers don’t ask but it is L. O. V. E. And the Other Women insist we just don’t understand….we just don’t get that they are loved because he texts her good morning and good night, some nights, when he isn’t with us – you know, the WIFE. Good heavens…there is simply nothing, NOTHING beautiful or loving about lies dripping from the mouths of two illicit lovers, telling each other all the things they want to hear but know deep in their hearts are not true. So yes, kalopsia. A most excellent word for the world of infidelity.

illusiondelusion

Which brings me to the last word on this K day of my alphabet-life journey: Kindred. This word has a couple meanings including people related to one another like family, clan, tribe. This relationship can be natural, or marriage, or affinity.

Here on wordpress with this amazing community that, for me, began with betrayeds and betrayers and now includes sympathetic readers, cantankerous posters, young people and single people and people who agree and people who disagree, I have found astounding affinity, kindred spirits, a tribe. I am so deeply thankful that this beautiful kindred has grown from a place of such pain.

kickasspeople

16 thoughts on “Kungle. Knurry. Knavigation. Kalopsia. Kindred.”

  2. True…..most profound to me is the lies to and from…the lies the cheater tells the other person and the lies from the other person to the cheater…the naivety and vulgarity of it, the immature jokes, the false “I love you” statements and the difficulty for them to be truly and utterly honest with themselves about what this was what they had (whatever that was…watching movies in a hotel room, how much fun is that?)…and it was nothing, it meant nothing, it added nothing good to the world. It was a distraction and a fooling of oneself. Think about Rose from “Moonstruck”…being afraid to die…It is a nice metaphor of not wanting the live the mundane.
    Too bad the impact of the act(s) is there and can never be perceived as if not happened. We can’t cut it out of affected brains….It is not even detectable. It floats and is ever changing….
    Finding meaning…suffering is not needed to find meaning but it can help to gain insight and wisdom. To develop change within. Frankl states that unnecessarily suffering is masochistic rather than heroic. I feel that those who were betrayed can gain from it, wisdom, sharing and insight. They can see value in suffering. It is the betrayer who, when finally capable of being truly honest with themselves (can they ever?) who has to live with what they did to themselves, their loved ones and to the desperate and manipulates who tried to gain something…I have no sympathy only pity for them, but not too much…many of this group of people will find a way to blame others for their misfortune. Good luck to them.

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply

  5. There are a couple of things that I think are probably present in most addicts. The first is depression. Probably lifelong. Depression can be on a scale from 1 to 10. One being suicidal and 10 being euphoria. Most of us who are reasonably content with our lives are somewhere between seven or eight. Euphoria is very short-term and extremely intense. Depression at one or two is probably difficult enough without medication and probably hospitalization. I would imagine that your husband, and others, live somewhere around five. Those of us living at seven or eight and sometimes nine panic when we feel sad. We don’t like the feeling because it is not usual for us. We do what we can to get rid of that and we are generally successful. People who live with chronic depression have no idea what it is like to live at seven or eight. They find outlets that give them a high that might be short-lived but at least it gets them out of the depression. That is how they get addicted. They go from being sad to being to high to being sad. The addiction then takes over and after that they no longer own themselves.
    The second is a sense of powerlessness which stems from their childhoods. Maslow’s hierarchy of needs states that we need food, clothing, shelter. If those needs are not met nothing else matters. Once those are met he goes on to list other things. I don’t agree with where he places the sense of self-worth. I think it is such a driving force in us that when it is taken away from us we will do anything to get it back. Children who are completely helpless try anything, and if that doesn’t work then a sense of hopelessness begins. I would imagine somewhere buried deeply inside your husband is a sense of rage that has been there since he was a very small boy. Because his mother, father were the most powerful people in his life he often times felt the need to take his power away. I think that is where these kinds of addictions begin. The sex drive is powerful in young adolescents. Once the addiction begins it becomes a way to distance themselves from people emotionally. It worked until your husband found love with you. but…..that love is dangerous and it is scary. So he backs out of it and uses other people because it is less frightening. And he has his power back.
    He also probably hoped marriage to a person he loved would erase all those negatives in him. You wrote that he started acting out after two years. That is when his self control eroded.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  6. Btw, if I have written about this before it is because I work with people who make terrible choices because they feel so helpless. It manifests itself is self destructive behaviors and lashing out at other people

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply

        1. It does have such far reaching effects, we have learned. The patterns and thinking and responses become the normal that we all live in and we can’t even see the destructive ways we are living – it just is how we live. I had no idea…and now I look at my sweet babies (who aren’t babies anymore) and know they’ve grown up with the madness as their way of life. That is one reason we refuse to be silent about what we have been through and more what we have discovered about ourselves. We want this to stop HERE. Thank you again for reading, and please weigh in.

          Liked by 1 person

Leave a comment