in Affair recovery, Affairs, Infidelity, Marriage, Marriage recovery, Uncategorized 450 Words

Gift 3: Two Gifts In One

HUSBAND loves to fish. And hunt. And do all things in between. This is one of the ways he conducted his affairs through the years because he legitimately was involved in these activities…he loved them from his core…so it was quite easy to sell me on a fish/hunt when in reality he was meeting one of his whores.

He had carefully orchestrated protections for himself…no reception out in the woods or 60 miles off shore…his phone battery died, calling me “after the hunt” from the car after he plugged his phone in, etc.

So this next gift may seem like such a little thing for many people, but it was so HUGE to my shattered heart a few-weeks-post-devastation. It was a gift to me, because it demonstrated a powerful shift in attitude, in connection with my heart. It was a gift to me because it was a dramatic shift in conduct by HUSBAND, and one that revealed I had not been crazy all those years when I reacted with frustration and anger at the lack of contact and communication intermittently, whether I was home with a very sick baby or had a huge flood in my house with TWO babies (another story I’ll write about one day)…

This was a gift of changed behavior, new choices.

HUSBAND went fishing. He gave me the REAL choice to say no…no hidden recriminations or guilt or passive-aggressive words thrown over his shoulder. I thought about it, told him I was uncomfortable, but wanted him to get out a bit so with great trepidation, I told him to go.

HUSBAND called me right after they left. He told me his phone was dying so he was going to turn it off. YOU’VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME my mind screamed. But then sent me his fishing-buddy’s number in case I needed to get ahold of him. And twice, during the ½ day trip, HUSBAND called…he texted…sent me a picture of himself and his friend and a fish…

That evening, I told him how much I appreciated him thinking of me like that. He answered, “I figured you might be really uncomfortable if you couldn’t get in touch with me for several hours and thought I should do that.”

There was a pause.

Then he continued, “You know? I should have always done that anyway. That is how I should treat you all the time.”

WOW. That was really lovely.

Two gifts in one: doing the right thing, when he had always shamed me into believing I was overly needy, or intrusive, or crowded him…and recognizing it was what he ALWAYS should have done.

8 thoughts on “Gift 3: Two Gifts In One”

  1. I hope it’s sincere. I found (from my son and Loser) that they tended to contact me WHEN they were doing something they weren’t supposed to be doing…and I bought it.
    I can hear the happiness in your words. Hugs.

    Like

    Reply

      1. You are wonderful. Your husband should be very grateful that you give him another chance. If I was in your shoes, I would have raised my voice many times and acted like a lunatic. I would have accused him, even with a lack of evidence based on past behaviour . Your way is so much better, you are positively reinforcing…
        What did you say in your intro “just a mum”, no you are so much more…a woman with a spine and the ability to trust again.
        🙂

        Like

        Reply

  4. That is a good progress for both of you

    Your H needs a break and he recognizes the need to update you

    I wonder he was aware of those trying times you had alone with your children such as flood, nursing sick baby

    Wishing you Merry Christmas and let this season be your first healing season after last year’s nightmarish Christmas.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  5. Ponder…so strange…he knew but could never HEAR my heart before DDay and all that came with that after. Now, he grieves his emotional abandonment. Thank you for your good wishes, and I hope the same for you.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

Leave a comment